No Rocket Science This !!!!

Ok , My End Trimester Egg-Jams are on and me not studying.Duh !! Thats not news.
So me siiting , all tucked in proper and just thought of writing something on my Sacred Space.
With me , its like I never think before I start to "write". A happening in a day , something said by someone etc form a part of my so called creative writing skills.So I was thinking what all lingo people use while talking , either formally or informally.
Now this post might be irrelevant to people not in LBSIM but still read on if you have time and inclination.
Its been approximately 12/2 months in LBSIM and I've come to observe a lot of "customized lingo" people use here.
Here are few examples (some are quoted as "anonymous" , due to reasons I dont wish to get into)

• This is my Fav - "Falaana Dhakkad" by Navdeep Sandhu !!! Tops the List !! Methinks , Akshat Joshi also uses it a lot but plaguerism is not a new thing in India !! (Maybe its the opposite)
• This one is censored - "Obiviously" !!!
• This one again is censored - "Are you with me" !!!
• This is the most heard word in the Sponsorship meets - "Yaaaar" by Abhishek Kota !!!
• Sorry Venko , couldnt help !! - "Come On"
• Hee Hee , Puneet Agarwal - "Guys , there is an Annnaaaooouncement !!"
• Tanmay Dada - "Actually" , with a breaking hand gesture thats between box stacking and a karate chop!!
• This one is censored cos me not sure about the reaction I might get - "Base-a-kally" !! keep guessing..
• This is close to my heart - "Wassup Bro" with a hand gesture that is kinda slapping a chap behind you with the back of your hand !!! Who else but my Bro Jinsi !!!
• This is for my Ballu - "Hain" with a eyelid battings that beat a tubelight in flickering !!!
• And today's last !!! "What eeees theeees" ?? "Aaarrr weee Mad" !!! by Gaurav Sharma !!

Disclaimer : No offense to anybody , please.I just wrote it to keep my blog subscribed !!!

"Value Add" is the IN thing !!!

Dont be surprised reading a post on this blog.Virtual estate realtors were grinning that this space finally off the net. I really apologize to all those who thought that Ak was out...I might be down but "out" does not form a part my vocab !!

Anyways , all of the above forms a part of the "faaltoo" comeback speeches that everyone gives !!

Bottomline : Finally , I have an internet connection at my flat in New Delhi.As a result , I can blog !!!

Now diverting my ever deviating attention to the title of this post."Value Add". Now why does this phrase sound so academic and philosophical ?? As soon as you say this to anyone , one would immediately start imagining books , libraries , research papers etc etc blah blah......

Recently a person very close to me was so so disgruntled by our dear MBA curriculum. Why ? Cos she thought her MBA was not what she expected.A life starting at 9 , ending at 5 ; full of monotonous assignments , "group" discussions , grades.She actually decided to quit this course and join some event management company !! Now , why does an event management company sound interesting ? Cos its kinda glamorous , isin't it ? Managing events , meeting personalities , organising real time - not on your answer sheets !!

My take on MBA is a bit different.So thats the take I explained.Why to get bogged down by the MBA curriculum ? Why to get monotonous ? Why to get into the grinding groove which everyone does ? A bit of innovation , swill to work hard and ofcourse "contatcs" is all one requires to make one's MBA as glamorous as any event management company or for that matter any fundooo course.

I started my MBA as someone with a mindset : Assignments on time , Presentations on time , Submissions on time , Remaining in 70-75% bracket , Attending all lectures , Doing what everyone tells you to do.Cos this is a place where you learn.Right ? Wrong !! MBA is not just about the abovesaid. Yes , it does form a teeny weeny percentage of an Business Admin study.But Business Admin study minus teeny weeny is something which is as vast as the space itself !!

Classroom is not the place to learn business.Saying "yes" to everything is not the way to learn business.Slogging one's ass (and then join your pillow on the bed) and LOOKING for credits is not how you do business !!

Actual MBA is out there (sounds like a pick from the X files!!) . Out where ? is something that you have to figure out. I have figured it out.I might be sounding Insane/Rebel/Lost Case/Deviated/Fool , but beleive me , if and when you know how to maximize this f(MBA) , I bet you would also use the same adjectives for yourself !!

Happy hunting for MBA......
Ak

(PS: I sincerely hope this post catches the eye of a friend of mine.)

Long Hiatus !!

Hi People !! Its been a long time since I posted something on my space. Many reasons why I could not post. And I feel its my moral and ethical duty to appraise you of the reasons. So here I go …….. (if you find the list too long , just skip the bullets and read the paragraphs)

1) I did not have time because most of my energies went into acclimatizing myself to a “B School” !!
2) There were so many things to write about ! So had I been writing everything , Blogger people would have killed me !!
3) My blogging pardner Venko is struggling with our laptop committee to acquire a laptop !!
4) No offense to blogging , but I recently found someone who can jhelofy all my bakwaas and chatter !!! So the load on my blog was distributed.
5) Finally I have slowly learned to talk nonsense so Sane Rantings was found wonting for some Sensible write ups !!!

Anyways , this one has no specific title.Its just Blah !! Oh , “Blah” for me is a sacred word , so never ever never never ever never laugh at “Blah” or disrespect it.

Alright.First updates.

Numbah 1 - Me doing MBA – that’s Master in Blah Administration. Its good fun you know. All you have to do is stand on a stage and maaro Blah!! I know its easier said than done , but still there are no technicalities involved as there were during my engineering days.
Numbah 2 - The search for my Insanity Queen is over.Now don’t get ideas !! Maybe the case that I’ve stopped looking for her !! Gotcha !!!

On a serious note (I know that sounds unlikely !! ) , its been a great learning experience , MBA.I have now learned not to keep the mobile phone alarm on silent mode !! Also how to keep a smile pasted on your face even though you wanna kill the person you are talking to !!

On a more serious note (I know that sounds more unlikely !!!) , life has become quite a chaos.Just like the Vietnam war , where you do not know where a bullet might hit you.If you learn to dodge those bullets , you have won the war.Same goes for MBA. If you are smart enough , you can dodge all the brickbats and leave the battlefield as a winner.Otherwise you become just like the medic who comes in the at the base last carrying the maximum weight !!

For me , this MBA thing is a boon.I met lotsa great people at the Institute , which by the way are no eminent personalities but my gang – Venko , Nakul , Batoo , Khalsaa and many more. Also I met one special person who as I said is special !! No more on this !!

Also now I wear Formals !! Can you beat that !!Black leather shoes and all that formal jazz !! Phew !! Wish my school principal sees me today !!

These two years might teach me anything or not , I am sure I would take a lot from these years. Academics I don’t care. Applications is what I am looking for. And needless to say – Moolah follows !!

I have loads to write as far as this new look variant of Akash is concerned but then it would be pointless , because you might fall in love with me !!

Just kidding …this was just a Blah post but next articles would be more specific and Insensible !!!

And if Venkat gets hold of a laptop in the next century , The Hood might as well come back on track.

The Holocaust.

I was reading Stephen King’s Different Seasons the other day.Then I picked up Dexter Dias’s Rule of Law.I found one thing in common in both of them.Reference to the Holocaust.I will be frank with you.I had no idea what Holocaust was until I came across Mein Kempf , Hitler’s Biography.I used to think that the bombings of Hiroshima n Nagasaki were referred to as Holocaust !

Then , I did a bit of research and found horrific tales of the death camps that the Third Reich created.Also I chatted with a person at the British Council who is actively involved with research on these death camps at Auschwitz , Neuwelt and Dachau .

Why I am writing all this ??

Because I was appalled by looking at those photographs and reading those first hand versions of life and sufferings at Auschwitz and various death camps that Hitler created.I was appalled by the way POWs were mistreated , mostly killed.Even children were not spared. I was appalled by the vile nature of a certain ruler who subjected humans to his whimsical and gruesome experiments involving chemical and nerve gases

I want to share with you some of the photographs I laid my hands on through the internet.But even with these photographs you wont even come close to understand the severity of Hitler’s eccentric and downright inhuman thinking and mindset.And these are the least graphic photographs I am posting here.

Some of you might say that its past so we must not dig it up.I say why not ?We should know the consequences of laying power in the wrong hands and also the plight of a certain race of people which will suffer invariably.From the past we learn.Although this incident of Holocaust is over 60 years old , but it serves as a good reminder of what we all can face if the ever developing and proliferating Nuclear and Chemical technology for destructive purposes gets into the hands of wrong people , who have no regard for human life , just as Adolf Hitler didn't.

If you have the slightest inclination to explore this horrific blot on our history , read through Anne Franks Diary.It gives you a first hand account of the fear and suffering that Jews faced during the German occupation.
This little article is in no way brings out the actual sufferings and trauma that Jews had to go through during the German Occupation in WWII.The article is meant as an initiation for all of you who might spare a moment and imagine the hell these people lived in these death camps and also learn more about the atrocities that Hitler , Himmler and the SS inflicted upon these people.

Over 10 million Jews (including Russian Jews) were killed in these death chambers using poisonous gases.The figure in itself is staggering and speaks volumes of Hitler's Paranoia.

Photographs Courtesy

www.canaris.dk
www.history.1900s.com

The Story of Howevers and Butts

This was when I used to work with vCustomer.As a part of our training program , we had to go through a months Voice n Accent training.We were a bunch of naughty people there.Chanpreet , Mandeep , Two Amits - Thapliyaal and Khurana and yours truly.

Now there was one stunning V n A trainer we had that went by the name of **i**a **a**n !!
@ vCustomer gang - Count the number of stars n u'll know whom I am talking about !

Now she used to tell us that Americans neverrr (rolling R's) use the word "but".They prefer to use "however" !! We guys , although Indians but were forced to take up "Amreekee" speakng habits for a li'l over 22K.So we also tried and avoided the use of "But".

But their are two kinds of "buts" - One a normal grammar But and the second that was very frequently used by us as an appreciatory object , Butt !!

But saying Butt all the time was not liked by some.Also we had this habit of praising something on the face of it (not on the butt of it) . So we had to find a way to satiate our need to praise this V n A trainer's "you know what" infront of her and also not to displease her( One of our gang was planning to marry her !! She had had three flings already).

So Amit Thapliyal it was who came up with an excellent idea.Instead of Butt we would use However ! Lord praise Abraham Lincoln and the Texan Accent !!!

So there we went , saying "Nice **pause** However" . And the V n A would look at us enquiringly because she expected more to come after However !! But there was nothing more to come because we had found a way to appreciate what we wanted to without hurting anyone's feelings except one

## Sorry Dushyant , I had to publish this . Couldnt resist myself !! ##

But nobody can match Charles Shobraaj's wit at escaping things and we could not escape her attention that she had started to give to our unfinished However sentences !! But the sporting lady she was , she would utter a thanx everytime a However followed a Nice !! Wish Dushyant had the guts to ask her out !!

Then after a year I met her at the screening of Munich the other day.And the first thing that came out of my mouth was "Nice **pause** However" and she said thanx....................

Shocked !!

Today I recieved the shock of my life !! A Governement Organization(BSNL) treating me like a real customer !!!! Now this is something that you dont get to see and experience very often in your lives.
Normally one can see people running from pillar to post in such offices for even small issues like getting the name changed on records ! I myself was a victim of such ignorance and lax attitude when I went for my DataOne BroadBand connection.

Thus my viewpoint of Government Bodies was like "Avoid Them as long as you can".

Today , however , was an emergency !! My ADSL Modem started to play truant ! So , I called up the BSNL HQs here in Ghaziabad and ask for help.And true to my expectations , nobody picked up ! And even when one person did (I dunno if he was alive cos he sounded like he was speaking from his grave!) , he did not know what DataOne was ! Man , that was hieghts ! I was so pissed off that all the anger had to be faced by the "bechaara modem".

Anyways , I decided to face the problem today instead of running from it.I know it sounds like a piddly issue but for me entering a Government Building is akin to entering a "machchi bazaar" in the philosophical sense ! It literally reeks of Inefficiency and Aggresive Attitude ! These people work as if they are doing some favour to us by doing what they should normally do ! And on top of that , they ask for "Under The Table" moolah !!

Anyways , I picked up my car and rushed off to my local exchange here in the locality where I live.And I asked the guard where I could find a person incharge of Broadband.I was half expecting the normal answer - "Pata nahi jee.Khud dhoond Lo"

But I was surprised when the guard gave me the exact location , so to say , of the person incharge ! I thanked him profusely and rushed up to the office lest the person concerned might run off somewhere !!

Thankfully I found him in his place.My mindset was that I will leave by registering my complain and then the regular call backs to the exchange would start when the linemen dont show up.Anyhow , whatever my mindset was , I had decided that I would atleast take this up to the SDO if my complain was not heeded immediately (Wishful Thinking)

Mr Shailendra was his name.I told him the problem.And then I was really surprised !! The guy was speaking perfect english !! And to top it , he asked me to give him ten minutes so he can wind up something and he would send a lineman with me !!!

The pessimist in me still said that 'He's saying 10 minutes.See how much time he takes".But today was a day when the pessimist me was losing round after round.Even before the ten minutes were up , here was a "taau" type character.He was the lineman.And he looked at me as if I was their only Broadband user !! (which by the way I am not because DataOne is quite famous here).

"Kahan chalna hai Saab??" , Taau asked.
"G 495 mein.Mere paas car hai.Mein aapko drop bhi kar dunga exchange par" (poor akash)
"Nahi Saab.Hamnein dekha hai aapka ghar.Aap chalo , hum peechay peechay aaye"

The pessimist in me again said that he would ditch you and would take a detour enroute ! I had to find someway to stay either with him or behind him so that I could "herd" him towards my home.
So I said "Aap chalo.Mein Shailendra jee se baat karke aata hun".
"Jaisa aap kaho"

So off he went.I was sure he would take most of two hours to get to my home because these people do that normally.(My house is ten minutes from the exchange)
To negate the wait , I decided to talk to Mr Shailendra.And as he was telling me what plans he had for this exchange , the pessimist in me was dying slowly.The guy was doing his parttime MBA from IMT Ghaziabad and had taken upon himself to improve the prevailing conditions and more importantly the Attitude at the exchange.And the optimist in me was born again !!
We started to chat about things related to technology and general stuff and time passed like anything.It was about an hour or more.

When I left him , I told him that it will take a lot of time to change the prevailing attitude of your work force - the corruption , the carelessness , the aggressiveness.He smiled.

And when I reached home I saw that Taau - the lineman, was waiting for me outside my home , standing in the scorching sun and sweating like hell.Even then he was smiling towards me and beckoning me to show him the cables !!
The pessimist died then and the optimist is now wide awake !!
Seems like Mr Shailendra had done his homework and implemented the most of it !!

PS : For those of you wondering how I published this article when my modem is not working , Taau replaced my modem.Even though he had to cycle back to the exchange and come back again to my house.

Ak from Ashes !!!

Sounds like straight from the England-Australia series !! Obviously it is'nt !!A new platform for me.The Hood was bound to become a larger platform , simply due to the fact that it will serve its purpose well when handled by a Team !!But this is as Personal as ya'll will get to Ak !! Its like shifting furniture from one place to another.I'd be putting up my ol' posts from The Hood here too so that ya'll have something to read till the time I come up with something new !!! All the action coming soon.Keep hittin ' !!

My stay @ NDA.

This article is long due It’s a very abridged version of my stay there. Every minute I spent there has a story associated with it!!

“Is Kursee Par Ajay Devgan Ne Baal Katwaaye Thay”. The barber said to me. I beamed with pleasure. NDA for me at that moment felt like a sweet movie, where nothing can go wrong and even if it does, the end is surely going to be a happy one for all.

That was my first day at the prestigious National Defense Academy, Pune. From being a “long locks” backpacker , I became a crew cut (No , actually zero cut) cadet ! Saw my face in the mirror and was like “Whoa!! What happened to you, Dude?? “

Anyways, then came the squadron allotment time. Few of the seniors had to cut short their holidays at home to welcome us first timers (Ikkeees , we were called ). They demonstrated to us How to march in front of the Adjutant (a Major rank officer) , stay upright , brisk and alert.

It was kind of awkward and funny for me because I never had walked in a straight line before in my entire life!! And there I was, standing in attention and getting my squadron allotted.

Cut to the next day – Rest of the Academy pours in. The squadron is abuzz with activity and curiosity. The Ikkeees have come!! Where are they from?? Which sport?? Pal clubs, Football clubs, Basketball Clubs!! And you wanna to join ‘em all!!

How fast can you run?? Howz your Academics??

BOTTOMLINE – How best can you serve your squadron.

Cut to After a month – Acclimatization complete !! I now know How the Academy functions. Whom to turn to in case of any problem. Whom to stay away from!!How to catch up on your nap in between the lectures. How to open a biscuit packet without making an iota of noise. How to cook Maggi using an iron (press) and a shoe-polish mess tin.

Cut to After four months – Fell off a horse during basic riding routine. Diagnosed with Stress fracture (common ailment) in both my legs. Sent to MH Khirkee for further analysis. Doctors there give me M & D (Medicine and Discharge!!). I come back. Given Restrictions (type of punishments at the Academy) for faking injury!! I serve them but they keep on coming. Then I lose all my enthusiasm. The filmi dream is shattered. I feel like I am being punished intentionally. Although it seems alright, now that I look back at it in retro. Meanwhile I keep completing my punishments (Restrictions and ET’s)

Then one day my leg buckles. On a stair. I fall down. Taken to MH and then the downfall starts. Am admitted , diagnosed with curved bones – severe form of stress fracture. Mental agony , nothing to do except reading and resting and seeing your batch mates running around happily. After a month in hospital , I have lost all my momentum. The enthusiasm has vanished. I am behind in studies, flunked in Mid Sems and then disaster follows. I might not clear my medicals for AF cadets!! So I might be grounded during my tenure!!

That’s it. I decide to bail out. To fly is my only dream. And that was a gamble I was not willing to take at the Academy. A rational choice and I am happy it paid off!!

My stay there was more like the movie “An Officer and a Gentleman” rather than “Major Saab” . Although I would have preferred it to be akin to the latter!!!

BOTTOMLINE: You cant stay at the Academy if your legs are not in proper condition. And once you lag behind , either its your will to serve the nation or lack of options that keeps you there. I had neither. I wanted to fly………………….

General Pervez Musharraf - The next Prime Minister of India !!

General Musharraf as the next prime Minister of India!! Or better still – One thousand clones of the General as District Magistrates throughout our National Districts !!

You must be wondering Ak has switched sides. No, I haven’t. I am still as passionate and loyal to my Nation. I love my country even though movies like RDB can make an impact on the youth ONLY while they are in air-conditioned theatres. As soon as the movie is over, the feeling of “Jaago” has vanished.

Loyalties apart, take a look at him as an individual and as a leader. The way he thinks, acts and implements. He is not into pondering over policies. He knows how to act and the repercussions too.

Take Agra Summit for example. After all the deliberations and talks, it was time to come out with a joint statement. Even though the talks failed, some CBMs were agreed upon. The State Secretaries said – “ It will take us two days to come up with a Joint Statement”. And the General said – “Its only a two page document. Hell, if it takes two days for you to prepare a 10 page document, how do you intend to run these nations?? “

Might sound hasty, the General. But this radical approach is what lacks right now. Farmers committing suicides in Maharashtra over the price of onions and lack of funds!! And we call ourselves a “booming” economy. Hell, these sons of bitches politicians spend crores filling their own pockets, gathering vote banks, rath yatras and organizing parties. Cant they spare some for those poor farmers??

And not that we don’t have money. We have it. But these review committees, all these deliberations and reports!! These take up so much time and give way to scams and cover-ups.

BOTTOMLINE: Passing the buck and blame games are the characteristics of the civil regime.

I am not advocating dictatorship. But yes, at the head of the hierarchy we need a person like the General. Doesn’t get into nitty gritty of things,Him. Doesn’t deliberate. Plain simple observations. Gives out the best possible option and intends to implement it.

When asked how do you intend to implement De-Militarization in Jammu and Kashmir , he was quick. Said – “Start with three districts. Two in India and One in Pakistan." When countered Why two in India and only one in Pakistan ?? , He was quick to assess the importance of the Final Solution. He said “Ok two in Pakistan and one in India” !!

I mean he is ready to act and he does. Unlike Indian politicians and bureaucrats who believe in Gandhian , Nehruvian , Leninist , Marxist and all kinds of other principles but only Believe is what they do. They are incapable and maybe unwilling to implement. They consider too much of pros and cons and vote politics is top priority.

And not only at the prime ministerial post we need people like Musharraf in every district administration. Only then we would get rid of power woes, suicidal farmers, reservation issues, water woes, builder mafia. Corruption at the fundamental level and otherwise and most importantly – IMPOTENT ADMINISTRATION.

As for me, I am part of this nation, I am part of this society, I am part of this youth who dreams of big bucks and luxury life. I am not the one who is willing to take initiative. All I can do is come out of screening of RDB and turn on the AC of my car as soon as possible………………..

Lies , Lies and More Lies !!

Only two people on this planet can come up with enough lies in one day.
1.A person who is defending oneself against charges with respect to 9/11
2.An MBA ass-pi-rant on the day of a GD PI process.

Why I say this ??
The first one is obvious (Or the person is Zacarias Moussaoui )
The second one is what I will try and justify. You may comment on the validity of the justification later bit don’t bullshit me by completely negating it.

Question: Tell me about yourself, Son.
Answer: I am a confidant person Sir (Even though I piss in my pants when I come on stage)Answer: I have good interpersonal and communication skills Sir (Yesterday I smacked one SOB who made fun of me…calling me “Jaat re Jaat, Solah duni Aath”)
Answer: I am a team player (as if I care)

Question: Why do you want do to an MBA, Son ?
Answer: (Words coming out of the mouth) An “Education in Management” (and not MBA, eh?) would provide me with skills and tools (Ha!!) required to be succesf…Cut the crap!!
Answer: (In the evil mind and the truth) I wanna do an MBA cos:
1.I couldn’t land up with a decent job, so I’ve nothing to do.
2.MBA is the easiest way to make quick money.
3.I hate my job even though I say to you that “I am loving IT”
4.I am a loser as far as the opposite sex is concerned.Maybe during my MBA , I would patao a bimbo !!

And the icing on the cake.And this actually happened with me at the an interview !

Question: What are the things you look, Beta, before applying to an institute??

Had I told him what I am gonna write next, I would have cleared that GD PI too (another call in the Kitty and one unlucky chap demolished)

Answer: With my genuine-est face forward! Sir, I look at the infrastructure, faculty and everything else and ……blah blah blah……..The bottom line is that I would say Placements as my least priority!!
The answer I gave: My first priority is placements , Sir……….Long sannataa………….the panelist blasts me…. Is this an employment exchange that we have opened here??I say I would be lying to you if I said that I was not looking at placements…. AND I also consider faculty etc
(The truth is…. balls to the method of teaching and the number of books in the library). The building must look cool and the placements must be whooping!!
And this is a fact. Every query I came across at forums regarding an institution, the first one would invariably be “What are the placements at **** seniors ??"
Some ass-pi-rants are more specific (probably Military people). They ask “What are the Finance placements at ****??” and “What is the median and average salary at ****??"

My question is: Is this not hypocrisy??

The panel knows you will lie (As a matter of fact they expect it), you lie and they select the best liar. I know this is what marketing people will support but still. Where are the so-called Ethics and Mission Statements of institutes gone??
I have read enough bullshit on various forums on How the panel can perceive you (Hell, Even I said this on PG!!), How experienced they are at this but however hard I try to go with the common sentiments, the rebellious me says to me that the GD PI process is all a big farce (at least to some extent). Its more like Pro Wrestling (WWE style) where every one knows that’s its fake but still they play along.
If you are the lucky dog on that day, you would get the bone or else all you can do is whimper. This Tamasha of a 8 min GD and 10 min interview cant be called a “thorough selection process”.
Hell , my ex girlfriend couldn’t understand my fundamental traits in four long years of courtship ! How do I expect expect this selection panel to know me in just 8 minutes???